Romance, in theory

Today's literary criticism and theory class (no class should contain this many syllables) was centered around the ideas of the French theorist Jacques Derrida, who also happens to be the handsomest of the theorists.

DREAMBOAT!

However, there are a few reasons he and I have never ended up together. A brief list:

1. Jacques is, regretfully, dead.

2. Husband absolutely HATES it when I run around with the French theorists.

3. 'sides, who needs French theorists when you have a husband whose name uses all its consonants?

4. Jacques believes that binary opposites are the arbitrary construct of the human mind and are therefore nonexistent. Today in class I began pondering this, and attempted to illustrate the binary opposite theory with the following (non)binary opposite samples:

And this is where I decided Jacques and I could never, ever work out. No, Jacques, you cannot tell me a cupcake is not the opposite of a broccoli. I'm just not that stupid.