Happy new new year!

Good morning, world.


I just woke up and discovered it’s the last day of January.

Turns out my mind has been asleep during the very time of year that everyone else’s is wide awake.  At this point in the year, 2012 is still wearing a preposterously loud and colorful party hat with fake fruit and a real tropical bird on top. He’s walking around, so to speak, giving everyone high-fives for keeping their resolutions so fantastically. And everyone’s laughing right along with that good-humored 2012, because before the ink has dried on their 2012 goal lists, they really have lost ten pounds, or won a Pulitzer, or hiked the Alps by now.

For some reason, 2012 didn’t give me a high five like everyone else. It’s like he just strolled on by me, whistling distractedly, straightening his party hat to avoid looking at me.  Maybe it’s because I slept through the fireworks on his birthday? And I just sort of shrugged my shoulders and played another round of Mahjong on my dumb smart phone, because playing Mahjong on your dumb smart phone is about all you can do while you’re waiting for your mind to wake up.

But never fear, world, for my mind has yawned and stretched and at last left its hibernation cave!  And my mind has asked me to hereby proclaim this day as second New Year’s.  We start fresh right now, my mind and I, on January 31, and I’m going to celebrate by making up a song and dreaming up a novel and deleting Mahjong from my smart phone and, of course, by writing in this lonely blog for the first time in over a month.

Happy new new year, world!

Sincerely, me and my mind

Back, as if from the dead

There are some reasons I haven’t blogged in over a year.

The first is my memory.

No, I didn’t forget about you, or my blog, or how to type, I just forgot this little bitty detail called a password. And a username. And also maybe how to write blogs.

This has kept me out of blogly commission for some time now, but indeed, I HAVE SOLVED IT!

And indeed, my brilliant solution required merely four simple steps, which I shall here generously share with you all and which I give permission for other blogger comrades to use when technology and memory and Bloggerteam turn their cold uncaring backs on you.

Step 1: I found a husband. YES! A handsome one of my very own! It wasn’t even on purpose. Sometimes these things just happen while one is innocently blogging about sharks. I shall likely dote on him in future blogs, but at present let us move to

Step 2: I figured out how to make him want to do things for me. The secret is to use the magic word, which I shall capitalize for emphasis: IMPOSSIBLE. (Examples: “It is IMPOSSIBLE to kill a cockroach that big without him killing us first!” “It is IMPOSSIBLE to make spaghetti AND meatballs AND buttery garlic toast in just one night!” “It is IMPOSSIBLE for us to move to a treehouse in the Amazon Rainforest and swing around naked on vines all day!” (Note: I have not used this one as yet, but rest assured when I do it will work. This word is magic, I tell you! Exhibit A: a large dead cockroach on our floor. Exhibit B: my increasingly large Italian belly (How many parentheses is one allowed to put within other parentheses before being arrested by the parentheses police-eses?)))…

Step 3: I used the magic word in relation to my impossible-to-solve blognundrum. I said, and I quote, “Husband, it is IMPOSSIBLE to log in to that old blog! Alas, my blogging days have been put to an end by this IMPOSSIBILITY!”

Step 4: I watched lovingly as Husband Bagley solved my year-long blog famine in a record time of .75 second. That’s not even a full second! Doesn’t that sound IMPOSSIBLE??

So here I am again, folks. All thanks to this new adorable addition to my life and one magic word. Catch y’all next time from the Amazon Rainforest.

Pondering what I am doing here...

I don't really know why I'm here. But I do this thing where I justify my actions if I've thought about them for a really long time. I have way too many pairs of shoes because of this, and recently justified the purchase of a pretty Leolani ukulele because I thought of nothing else for an entire week straight. For about a month now I've been having this conversation with myself:

Me: "You should start a blog."
Me: "But I don't really want to. And it would probably be really boring."
Me: "You know you kind of want to."
Me: "No I don't."
Me: "Yes you do."
Me: "But...why?"
Me: "I don't really know. Probably because you have nothing else to do right now. But if you start one I'll buy ice cream. Chocolate fudge brownie."
Me: "Are you bribing me?"
Me: "Yes."
Me: "I'll think about it."

Combination of bribing myself and doing the thing where I thought about it way too hard have brought me here....to this unfamiliar domain they call Blogspot. Permission granted to all my loved ones and strangers to never, ever read this. I predict one of two things happening: a) a boring cyber word-mess; or b) I'll do the other thing I usually do where I get distracted by something else and forget this little endeavor altogether.

Hm. I think that's enough first-blog-attempt blab for one night. But more blog-o-liciousness to come!...If I can talk myself into it.